Ranger Ready
Rangers lead the way, but there is definitely a lot that goes into the preparation before you even send them off. Equipping your spouse, son, daughter, or significant other in the best way possible is one of the largest initial stresses when preparing for Ranger school. Whether you are a seasoned military spouse or this is your first taste of army training it can be stressful, frustrating and scary.
I knew when I met my husband that Ranger school was on the table. With little to no military experience prior to marriage, I've had a lot of learning to do, and even more to come. Fortunately we found an awesome community of spouses and friends that have helped both of us prepare emotionally, physically and mentally for this stint of training. It may not be a comprehensive list, but a good starting place of things we implemented and wish we had prepared better!
15 Things First:
1. I can only love and support more than I can understand.
Given that I am not an active duty service member and a fairly new military spouse, I can confidently say that I do not know the full extent of the training my husband is going through. Those that have walked in the steps before him will have a better understanding of everything he is going through, and even then every soldiers experience through RS is different. My hope is my prayers, love and support from afar will be the best encouragement.
2. Read the packing list over and over. Then read it again.
I think this was more helpful for him than it was for me, but even going over it together made me more confident that more than one person was looking and checking off everything. We even had one of our friends that had recently gone through come and check his layout which also brought immense peace of mind afterward.
3. Talk through finances and travel plans.
If you are managing this yourself already then you don't have too much to worry about, but I had to learn where all of our expenses were and how to run our accounts. It may seem tedious, but we walked through all of our bills and deductions multiple times until I felt confident to manage everything while he was gone. Another piece of advice-- my better half made me a tutorial video just in case I had questions in the future I could go back and watch his methods to the madness.
4. Write down all your passwords, addresses, and phone numbers too!
In our digital world today it's easy to assume that we have access to all this information at our fingertips, but do we really know this information if we did not have our cell phone attached to our hip? I, for one, did not know all of this and neither did he. Together we wrote down all the accounts and passwords, from Amazon to finances and made sure that we shared the information we did not know already. If you are going to be spending time with family while they are gone, make sure they have that address readily available if it is different from your home address they probably have memorized. And as simple as it is, make sure you have your phone numbers memorized in case they can make calls at the end of each phase, its a small detail but important if your RS does not remember when they get to the phone.
5. Create a journal for each other beforehand!
This was so much fun in the making and just as sweet reading after he's left. We both decided to fill a journal with prayers, jokes, encouragements and thoughts for each other to read through during training. Similar to open when letters, we wrote an entry for every day to read and look forward to every day he's gone. It is bittersweet in the moment, writing about how much you miss them and can't wait for them to come home. But oh so joyful to encourage and inspire them when you know that some days will be harder than others and you can be that small piece of home and happiness.
6. Take time to enjoy the moments.
It is so easy to get wrapped up in the checklists, planning and emotions that come with sending off a loved one to training. I mean in our case we only had a week to prepare everything, where we initially were told we would have at least 3! One of the best things I think we did to prepare was plan out our day and set expectations for time together. Mornings for example, were for all things packing, shopping and planning. Afternoons were for last minute gear runs and clean up, and then the evenings were all ours. It made our time together more intentional and sweeter knowing we would be more present.
7. Join Facebook support pages
This has singlehandedly been the most informative and beneficial aspect to my growth as a military spouse. Again, my husband and I had Ranger school in the back of our minds for quite some time, but then we scrambled to get him packed and ready to go all in a week. That left me on the home front wildly unprepared with the basic understanding that he could be gone anywhere from 2-6 months. Do yourself a favor if you are a prospective Ranger school student or family and friends, find the group for your class or future classes and learn as much as you can, BUT KEEP HEALTHY BOUNDARIES. Remember the page can be a resource but don’t make it your life, I had to learn this the hard way. I will update here as well, all the documents and information that I found helpful!
8. Ask for help
Boy oh boy, this is tough. Coming from someone who has never really had any experience with the military much less milspouse life, it is all very intimidating. Despite my insecurities, I find the most relief and confidence when I ask questions and learn more about the things that I don't understand or I should "know," but was never "taught." But I guess it's not only welcome to the army, but welcome to adulting. It is hard for sure, but find people around to pick their brains, and I am of course always here. If I don't have the answer then we can both find someone who will, together.
9. Make a bucket list
I read that many people do this during deployments, and I thought that it was helpful! Whether you are a brand new spouse or experienced military family, a simple list will give everyone something to look forward to. Albeit, my experience with my spouse during RS is an anomaly because of COVID-19, the "suck" is still there. Focusing on intentional rest and staying busy during quarantine has helped me feel accomplished and gives me something to work towards. For example, I added some new books to my bucket list with some adventure spots and new restaurants to try while my better half is gone. I also look forward to showing him all the things I've leaned and experienced once he gets home!
10. Pack extras when you can. Like gum.
There was a list of things that were optional on the packing list, but specifically RS approved. We purchased things off the list based on what my husband felt would be beneficial for him personally, as well as some recommendations from friends that graduated. They will have a chance to refit supplies towards the end of the phases, but you can also send packages of TA-50 they may need through stores in Columbus. Stay tuned for more details on the chaos of the mailing system in another post.
11. Set expectations for communication
I thought that I had experience with little communication considering my entire engagement and a good chunk of my dating relationship was long distance, however RS is a different beast. I have heard it is even more difficult at times than a deployment because of the lack of communication. All that aside, make sure to set up a communication system for your calls, such as PennyTalk. There are pay phones in parts of the camp that students should be able to access at the end of the phase, so to have this set up before hand is CRUCIAL. There are NO PHONES allowed at RS, so besides letters this is your best bet. I told my RS that I would write as much as I could without bombarding him, and I had the understanding that he would do his best but his focus was on finishing. It was really helpful to have these conversations before hand in order to alleviate any hurt feelings or unmet expectations.
12. Make videos or voicemails!
I am a visual person, and it is of course hard when you can't see or hear your soldier. Thinking it may be a small comfort, I asked for Good night and Good morning videos that I could watch at the beginning and end of my day if I needed that little pick me up. A friend of mine had voicemails for every week that they were gone. Either of these or maybe a combination may help you feel like your soldier isn't so far away!
13. Spray paint your duffels
This is more of a practical tip, but makes a world of difference for in-processing. Thankfully we got this advice from a friend that was going in for his 2nd attempt, and it helped him find his bags when everything was thrown off the truck and RAP week begins. We just sprayed white dots on his bag so it would be easier to "spot" his duffel as he came off the bus.
14. Find your OWN battle buddy
This is one thing that I have learned through the army and it has made a world of difference. Battle buddies get you through. You may not be related by blood, but the sacrifice of the military ties us all together. I am so thankful for the girls in my life that I have met through our local community here at Ft. Benning as well as friends along the way. Talking with other spouses, girlfriends and even parents that have experienced what I am currently going through or are in the same spot I am, has made the suck bearable. Although everyone's story is different, it has helped to hold onto a few relationships that I can turn to and share my anxiety, successes and life with while my better half is gone.
15. Learn as much as you can and pray through the rest.
All of this is hard, and I know my experiences especially in this climate are going to be different from a lot of people before us and after. I don't have all the answers, but I hope my shared experiences from my life and struggle provide some comfort and companionship. I still ask questions and struggle with doubt and worry. At the end of the day, our goal as a couple was to grow in our faith relationship regardless of the outcomes. These current sufferings produce endurance, and I know my husband and I are learning to surrender control and love each other better through this even if it's not perfect.
